A spring interlude

The spring football practice season has come and gone, punctuated by a spirited and entertaining spring game on Saturday in which the Maroon Team, led by quarterback Philip Nelson and featuring mostly starters on offense and defense, rallied to overcome the White Team 24-17 on a picture-perfect and long overdue spring day.

That’s it in a nutshell, although I probably undersold the beauty of the spring game. The game-time temp was 67 degrees and as the fourth-quarter clock ticked down to zero at 2:59 p.m., it was a blissful 72 degrees. The high sun reflected off the plastic seats on the north side of the field only slightly more than the pale, pasty-white skin of most of the fans. Water and beer were hot commodities, and sunscreen could have been, too.

And the spectators showed up in droves—an announced 8,400. Some were die-hard fans wanting a sneak preview of the Jerry Kill Era: Year 3, while others admitted to just wanting to be outside without a snow shovel in their hands.

Here’s my confession. I can be pretty lukewarm when it comes to spring football, much as I am toward the WNBA playing in the middle of summer and the NHL wrapping up its postseason within a slap shot of Independence Day. I generally prefer sports in their proper season.

But I did make it over to the indoor practice facility a number of times this spring, and heartily enjoyed the hard-hitting scrimmage that was Practice #9 on April 12. So I was chomping at the bit for the spring finale—and the only practice outdoors—on Saturday.

It was great to see fans in mid-September tailgating form in the Maroon Lot outside the stadium. I immediately ran into and was recognized by Tiana Channer, whose photo I took in Iowa City last fall. A moment later I bumped into Ed Hadash and his group, transplanted from their normal lot near University Village.

And the game, of course, stirred up the usual recipe of excitement and optimism mixed with uncertainty and question marks. Did Nelson and Leidner really look that solid and poised? Who will step in and fill the void at linebacker? Do the Gophers have enough horses—enough star power—to surge past some perennial powers in the Big Ten? How soon is August 29?

This concludes the highly abbreviated spring season for the Season Pass blog … after some photo highlights from Saturday. Go Gophers!

Gopher fans tailgate.

Take away the red and white, and this is just about the perfect pre-game scene.

Jerry Kill claps on the field.

Jerry Kill anticipates the start of the spring game.

Philip Nelson throws a pass to Mike Henry.

On the first play of the spring game, sophomore quarterback Philip Nelson connected with senior fullback Mike Henry.

Gopher players at the line of scrimmage.

Philip Nelson directs the maroon team in the second quarter.

Derrick Engel makes a move in the open field.

Derrick Engel makes a move in the open field …

Antonio Johnson tackles Derrick Engel.

… before being rudely upended by defensive back Antonio Johnson.

Goldy on scooter.

It’s almost as if Goldy likes the camera.

Players on the Maroon Team take a breather on the sideline.

Players on the Maroon Team take a breather on the sideline.

The scoreboard at TCF Bank Stadium at the end of the spring game.

The numbers tell the story of the day.

The man, the myth, the movie star, part 2

The bowl season is now starting to wind down. After the New Year’s Day frenzy—six contests in about a 12-hour span—we’re down to a half dozen games remaining, one each for the next six days.

I have to admit, last night was depressing for me. Not so much because of all the Big Ten losses (the Legends and Leaders could muster only one victory in five games), but because I had to watch another Rose Bowl as a Minnesota fan with no reason to be in Pasadena.

It was a late afternoon game like every other one I remember seeing on television—sparkling blue sky, San Gabriel Mountains in the distance, fans in short sleeves sitting in what looks to be a fabulous stadium… and I was left watching the bleeping Badgers play for the third straight year.

Even with Barry Alvarez coaching (a man I like infinitely better than Bret Bielema), it was easy to root against the Badgers, so I took some measure of delight when Stanford celebrated a 20-14 victory at the final gun.

Still, it was depressing. It’s now 51 years and counting since the Gophers’ last trip to Pasadena.

So I’m turning my thoughts to more pleasant things, and that leads me to part 2 of my Bruce Smith post. Part 1, which published on December 8, the day of the Heisman Trophy presentation, talked about Smith winning the Heisman in 1941 and how his acceptance speech also addressed the attack on Pearl Harbor a couple of days prior.

Now I want to tell you about Bruce Smith the actor, and the movie he starred in, “Smith of Minnesota.” Here were the movie poster taglines promoting it in 1942:

HAVE A SEAT ON THE 50-YARD LINE…FOR THE THRILL-PACKED, REAL-LIFE DRAMA OF A GREAT ALL-AMERICAN! (original poster-all caps)


See this triple-threat bolt of greased lightning hit a new high for red-blooded entertainment! (original poster)


AMERICA’S FAVORITE FOOTBALL SON ROMPS TO TRIUMPH ON THE SCREEN! (original poster-all caps)

Bruce Smith.Thanks to a great connection at the University of Minnesota, I was able to casually obtain a copy of “Smith of Minnesota” a few years ago. I’ve watched parts of it a number of times, but this was the first year I watched the 66-minute film in its entirety.

The year is 1942, and in the offices of Columbia Pictures a movie exec has tabbed his best writer to tell the story of Bruce Smith, the Heisman Trophy winner from Minnesota the year before.

The writer, Charlie Hardy, doesn’t want any part of this script. He doesn’t particularly like football and he thinks all stories about football follow a finite number of boring formulas, all concluding with a touchdown in the last minute.

But the exec is selling him on Smith, the player and athlete, and his school, the University of Minnesota.

“Minnesota is an institution, not only of higher learning but of championship football teams,” he confidently declares. The first time I heard that line I laughed out loud. Then I remembered that in 1942, Minnesota was wrapping up a stretch of five national championships in eight years—an unprecedented streak of dominance in Division I college football.

Against his wishes, Hardy is sent to Faribault, Minnesota (Los Angeles–style), to meet with Smith and his family. At the bus station, he’s picked up by Gwyn Allen, a reporter from the Faribault Standard newspaper who, like Hardy and the movie executive, is a veritable quote machine.

Given her knowledge of Smith and Gopher football, Hardy says, “Well, you must be quite the football fan, huh?” To which she replies: “I ought to be! I went to Minnesota for four years.”

If only the students of today left with a diploma and that same battle cry.

Later, Hardy queries Allen about Smith’s love life, or in this case, his well-known absence of a love life. “You know, in a picture, it’s really helpful if boy loves girl and vice versa,” he says. “Not new, but good. Now, do you happen to know if Bruce ever had any romance in his young life?”

Allen pipes back: “Listen. Bruce love his family. Loves football. Loves Minnesota. That’s a lot of love for one boy to handle all at once, isn’t it?”

There are gems like that, as well as a boatload of even cheesier lines, sprinkled throughout the movie.

As the film wears on, it captures some of the legends associated with Smith’s life and career. Like that surrounding his dad Lucius, who played for the Gophers in 1910-11 and, upon losing a heartbreaking game to Michigan in 1910, was said to have vowed to have a son that would one day beat Michigan. Check.

There’s also a good amount of game footage from Gopher contests in 1940 and ’41, including the highlight of Smith’s classic 80-yard romp through the mud to beat Michigan at Memorial Stadium in 1940.

All in all, Smith of Minnesota is an entertaining picture, and it’s worth putting on the movie bucket list if you’re a diehard fan… or just in need of a few laughs. I’d even offer to have a viewing party if there was enough interest.

In the end, boy does get girl (with a twist), and Bruce is the hero you’d expect. Just like he was in real life.

They’re not in Kansas anymore

There’s one more tale I wanted to share from Houston, but I ran out of time before the flight home.

It concerns the fate of about 20 University of Minnesota students who signed on for a good old-fashioned road trip to watch the Gophers play in Houston. They boarded a coach bus at 3 p.m. last Wednesday, two days and five hours before kickoff, with the plan of arriving in Houston 20 hours later.

They were reveling in the experience—enjoying poker, war, Uno, and Xbox tournaments—when suddenly their bus pulled over to the side of the road. A belt had snapped, and after a driver’s consultation, they wound up inching along at 20 mph to a truck stop a few miles away.

Shelby Morton.

Shelby Morton enjoys the pregame party at Reliant Stadium.

It was, said senior Shelby Morton, the most outspoken spokesperson for the journey, “in the middle of Nowhere, Kansas.”

They weren’t able to get the bus fixed right away; turns out “there was one more piece missing,” Morton says, so they got to spend six hours at that truck stop socializing with the locals and the truckers, and presumably playing more games.

They eventually got on a different bus and reunited with their original, repaired coach during a break in Dallas… but there was one more delay after that.

“We had a bit of another detour to get to Houston just because it was dark, it was raining, and we missed a turn,” Morton said.

They arrived at the Hyatt Regency in Houston shortly before midnight on Thursday—a half day late but not much worse for the wear.

“It was an experience. Everybody has to have a broken-down-bus trip,” Morton said with a chuckle at the pregame party at Reliant Stadium. “Even though we got hung up for a few hours, it was totally worth it. I mean, we’re at the game. This is awesome.”

She had even more reason to smile. The students partook in a number of contests along the way, and the final one, held Friday afternoon, was for the best game “costume.” Morton, sporting a shade of arguably maroon dye in her hair and wearing maroon and gold bib overalls and funky gold shoes, was declared the winner, and returned home with a 55-inch TV.

In addition, she came back with a great broken-down-bus story, another rite of passage in her collegiate journey.

The journey comes to an end… more or less

Sunrise in Houston.I awoke at about 7:00 this morning to the sun rising over Houston. It was a sight to behold, and about the only thing that could inspire me to jump out of bed after a short night’s sleep.

The Gopher game didn’t end until shortly before midnight, and by the time I wrote a bit and watched the first half of the replay of the MCCBoT on ESPN, the hour was late.

It’s hard to believe this journey is coming to an end. Not so much the trip to Houston; that’s been a load of fun and very fulfilling, but I can shiver up in Minnesota just as easily as I can down here.

But the 2013 football season, as well as the Season Pass blog, are also winding down. I’ll continue to post until the national championship game, as I have some unfinished business to tend to and I’m going to attempt a montage of photo highlights in video form capturing the entire season—from Las Vegas to Houston.

For the Gophers, the season is officially over. In the end, it will go down as a 6-7 campaign—a three-win improvement over 2011 and another incline in a trajectory we all hope will mirror what Jerry Kill pulled off at Southern Illinois and Northern Illinois.

At times this season felt like baby steps (or one step forward, two steps back), but last night’s game offered a lot of hope for the future. For a team beset by more than its share of injuries, especially to the offensive line, it was nice to see a fluid, powerful, and imaginative offensive attack. And a defense that continued its season-long trend of bending a bit, but also making a lot of big plays in key moments.

It was great to see MarQueis Gray have a few more moments in the collegiate limelight, although I sense that there’s a heckuva lot more success in his future, both on and off the field. It was also fun to watch Philip Nelson have a nice game and show off both his quick release and the nifty footwork.

A young fan.

Cute young fans like bowl games. (See photo below for details.)

And as Lee commented on my previous post, this did not feel like a meaningless bowl game between two middle-of-the-pack teams, at least not to anyone at the game. Rather, the game was as intense and certainly as chippy as any the Gophers have played in in recent history.

Penalties aside, it couldn’t have been a more exciting game—short of a triple overtime affair I was hoping for at the end.

I had the pleasure of renewing some acquaintances of Gopher fans I met earlier this year, like the family of Jeremy Baltazar’s niece, who was the subject of my first cute-kid photo at the UNLV game. She was there again last night looking every bit as adorable.

I also chatted with Paul Czech—he of the garage floor with six large squares painted in official maroon and gold and with the official “M” in the middle—whom I met in Iowa City. Czech was proud to point out that he, like me, made it to all 13 Gopher games this year.

All in all this season was a treat, and less so for the six victories than the countless interactions I had with so many fans, both casual and diehard. The casual fans we can all relate to; the diehard fans I truly admire.

They were here in the hotel lobby at 1:30 a.m. giving a loud and sustained cheer for the Gopher players and coaches as they arrived back to the hotel after the game.

And I talked to two of them—a husband and wife in their golden years—in the elevator about an hour after that. They were already putting the Meineke Car Care Bowl of Texas and the 2012 season in a very appealing context.

Said the wife with all the confidence of a prized recruit or a new coach: “The best is yet to come.”

Diehard student fans.

About 20 hardy U of M students endured a 33-hour bus ride (complete with bus breakdown) to cheer on the Gophers in Houston.

Astrodome

What was once the Eighth Wonder of the World is now a pale, ugly structure that’s dwarfed by Reliant Stadium next door.

Reliant Stadium.

Reliant Stadium is something more wondrous.

Reliant Stadium field.

The U of M Alumni Association charter group got a field level look at Reliant Stadium.

Tailgating party.

The official pregame party was held at the Bull Pen Party Deck and ultimately grew to about 500 fans.

Members of the U of M Marching Band.

Well, the band’s not all here in this photo, but the entire U of M Marching Band made the trip down to Houston.

The U's offense and Texas Tech's defense.

MarQueis Gray prepares to hand off to Donnell Kirkwood for a 3-yard touchdown run in the second quarter.

A young fan.

The final edition of “cute young fan of the game” features 1-year-old Lauren, daughter of Matt and Erica Richardson.

A young fan.

Oh… and there’s Sidney too, Lauren’s 2-year-old sister, who likes to pose.

 

A great effort gives way to another comeback

There’s something about Texas Tech and comebacks against Minnesota.

Six years ago it was the unfathomable, unspeakable march back from 38-7 down midway through the third quarter for a 44-41 Tech win in the Insight Bowl.

This time the Red Raiders never trailed by more than a touchdown, but they somehow managed to score 10 points in the final 1:10 of the game, and a 28-yard field goal as time expired gave them a 34-31 victory, crushing the Gophers’ hopes for a significant upset.

But this was not a game to sulk about, not if you’re a Minnesota fans or player. The Gophers went toe-to-toe with Texas Tech in a first-half shootout—no great surprise given the Red Raiders’ high-octane offense and suspect defense—and trailed only 24-17 at the break.

Gopher fans celebrate a go-ahead touchdown.

Fans celebrate a Rodrick Williams touchdown in the first quarter that gave the Gophers a 10-7 lead.

Minnesota was effective and efficient using both freshman Philip Nelson and senior MarQueis Gray at quarterback, and dominated time of possession by a 2-to-1 margin.

Then the Gophers kept Tech off the scoreboard for most of the second half while surging to a 31-24 lead. But they were unable to capitalize on two interceptions to get an insurance score, and had to watch as the Red Raiders (8-5) celebrated on the turf at Reliant Stadium after dealing Minnesota (6-7) its fifth straight bowl loss.

Fans on my bus ride back to the hotel were quiet at first, then verbally appreciative of the effort that the 13-point underdog Gophers put forth.

“We were expected to get blown out tonight, and it was not a blowout,” said one. That’s both glass-half-full and a bit of an understatement. This game was Minnesota’s for the taking till the end until Tech’s comeback magic prevailed.

Personally, this is the most I’ve enjoyed a game this year, save perhaps the blowout win against Purdue. That game lacked any significant drama, but tonight’s contest was oozing with drama—big plays, lead changes, and a remarkable number of scuffles and altercations.

About the only negative, other than the loss, was that this game left you wanting a little bit more. Like a rematch… or at least overtime.

More tomorrow from Houston, including photo and video highlights.

Gopher fans, from International Falls to the grave

Finally, right about noon on game day, the sun broke through the clouds and fog and lit up Houston for the first time in two days.

So, football player’s appetite in tow, I headed out on a two-mile trek to The Breakfast Klub, an apparent treasure I unearthed via a Google search a few days ago. Only problem is, The Breakfast Klub is not a hidden treasure, and after about a half hour of waiting in a line that numbered close to 100 people, I headed back toward the hotel, stopping for lunch instead at a place called Coaches Pub.

All the walking gave me a chance to reflect on the great conversation I had before the team luncheon yesterday with two wonderful fans—Tom and Mary Kaphings.

They have every quality I love in a diehard Gopher fan: unflappable passion, keen historical perspective, and a healthy sense of humor… laced with sarcasm.

Mary and Tom Kaphings

Mary and Tom Kaphings (right)

Tom immediately reminded me that I’ve yet to post part 2 of my two-part post on the late, great Bruce Smith. (It’s coming, I swear.) And Mary instantly chided me when I revealed that I have not yet been to the Bronko Nagurski Museum in International Falls, Minnesota.

“Don’t even talk to me about being a Gopher fan!” she said. Fair enough.

Tom first started going to Minnesota football games in the mid-’70s and was at Memorial Stadium for the classic upset of No. 1 Michigan in 1977. And while Mary admits she never used to be much of a sports fan, that’s changed since she married Tom.

Which is only natural, since Tom’s enthusiasm is rather infectious. His dad shared stories with him of Smith, Minnesota’s lone Heisman Trophy winner in 1941, and Tom has since become a big Smith enthusiast in his own right.

A few years back he acquired a scrapbook on eBay of the 1940 and 1941 seasons—all the pertinent game summaries and newspaper clippings from those two undefeated campaigns in which Smith led the Gophers to their fourth and fifth national championships in eight years.

There are other items of memorabilia too, but the pièce de résistance is an autographed 8-by-10 photograph of Smith that Tom bought from the same auction in which the family sold the Heisman Trophy. The signature reads: “Love always, Bruce,” to which we all chuckled.

Together, Mary and Tom have been season ticket holders for nine years, and their loyalty now takes them on Gopher football–related pilgrimages near and far. Like the trip to International Falls for the Nagurski Museum, and another venture to the Scott County Museum, which features Smith mementos and game footage.

And then there’s this. On Memorial Day of this year they made a trek to the final resting places of some of the biggest names in Gopher football (“Just for fun,” according to Mary), including Smith, Bernie Bierman, Murray Warmath, and former running back Pug Lund. “Bernie Bierman is buried about 20 feet from my grandparents,” notes Tom.

Once there, they paid their respects, maroon and gold style.

“I have a pen that plays The Rouser, and so we would play The Rouser and say a little something,” Mary said.

We enjoyed another good laugh, and hearing that story validated everything I’ve suspected about Golden Gopher fans. Their loyalty can run far deeper than anyone may think.

When we were done chatting about the Memorial Day venture, Mary offered another side of her appreciation for the Gophers.

“I really love supporting this program for what it does for these young people,” she said. “A lot of them come from nothing and that dorm room is the nicest place they’ve ever lived.

“And think what opportunities they get. They get a degree. They end up learning how to be mature, young, responsible people, and it’s fabulous.”

I then brought up Minnesota’s stellar academic performance. Thirty-one Gophers were recently named Academic All-Big Ten, up from 18 last year and second only to Northwestern.

“That’s really what it’s all about,” Mary said. She paused for a second. “It’s also about kicking butt on Saturday afternoon.”

Or, in this case, on Friday night.

I like big… ‘Sota Socials

For Gopher fans gathered in Houston, Meineke Car Care Bowl of Texas Eve was a festive time. It launched with a special ‘Sota Social broadcast live on KFAN radio that featured interviews with Athletics Director Norwood Teague, Gopher legend and NFL Hall of Famer Bobby Bell, President Eric Kaler, and head coach Jerry Kill.

Kill was asked how his players have handled being in Houston for the better part of a week.

“Part of life and education is this right here (the bowl experience),” Kill said. “It’s about building relationships, being together, and so forth. We told them we’re going to concentrate on football when it’s football time. And then when it’s not football time we’re going to hold you responsible to do what you need to do and have a good time, and be smart with it. And they’ve been able to balance that, and so far so good.”

“Like I said, this is what college athletics is all about.” That drew a big round of applause.

Fans and cheerleaders at the Social.For fans, the bowl experience is about having a good time far away from home in the many hours that aren’t football time, and last night that included a trip down the block to Pete’s Dueling Piano Bar.

The dueling pianists answered the call with a chart-busting array of songs old and new, from “Twist and Shout” and “American Pie” to “You Shook Me All Night Long” and a medley that included the song about liking big butts. (Butt preference aside, I’ll admit, I don’t know the title to that one.)

Below is a taste of the ‘Sota Social. And while I’m tempted to share images from Pete’s, I may have to invoke a variation of the clause I used in Las Vegas. What happens at a dueling piano bar…

Nine hours till kickoff. Go Gophers!

'Sota Social from above.

The crowd gathers for the ‘Sota Social in Houston.

MarQueis Gray and family.

MarQueis Gray and family were favorites of picture takers.

KFAN broadcast

Ed and Jill Hadash.

Ed Hadash displays the football full of Gopher autographs he just received from his wife, Jill.

A fan and his t-shirt

Want to know how the Gophers did this year? I’ve got your back.

Dining and nothing resembling whining

Here’s what you’re not missing if you’re a Gopher football fan in Minnesota. You’re not missing a sunny and 75-degree Houston afternoon, the kind that of day that makes suffering through a hot summer here more bearable, just like a wondrous April day in Minnesota soothes the spirit after five months of cold.

As I type, it’s 50 degrees and cloudy, and the morning television news was announcing wind chill readings in southern Texas. So much for the three-day respite from a northern winter.

The trophy for the Meineke Car Care Bowl of Texas.

The much-coveted trophy for the Meineke Car Care Bowl of Texas

But most of the bowl activities down here are based indoors, anyway, including today’s team luncheon at the Westin Galleria hotel, headquarters for Texas Tech and its fans. (The Minnesota contingent is staying at the Hyatt Regency downtown.)

The Houston Galleria appears to be sort of a cross between Southale and the Galleria in Edina, and the Westin’s hotel ballroom played host to the lunch event that featured both teams and coaches, cheerleaders, and a room full of fans.

Outside there was a silent auction with exactly seven items or activities up for bid, including a round of golf, club seats and sideline passes for tomorrow’s game, footballs signed by Houston Texan players Arian Foster and J.J. Watt, and a baseball autographed by Nolan Ryan. Truly, we are deep in the heart of Texas. (By the way, the Ryan baseball fetched $150.)

Three Gopher fans pose in front of the backdrop for the Meineke Car Care Bowl of Texas.

Clarence Dukes, left, poses with Mary and Tom Kaphings. (More on the Kaphings tomorrow.)

I had the pleasure of sitting at a table with a long-time fan from Nisswa, another from Apple Valley, two U of M Marching Band alums, the parents of a Gopher cheerleader and the parents of a certain prized freshman quarterback.

Both Jerry Kill and Red Raiders interim head coach Chris Thomsen delivered the customary short speeches full of gratitude for the opportunity to play here, and Kill pointed out the struggles the team has dealt with over the past two years, including the untimely death of Gary Tinsley.

“We built this season through that young man’s name,” said Kill.

There was also a question-and-answer session with four players from each team, and the Minnesota lot included MarQueis Gray, Keanon Cooper, Mike Rallis, and John Rabe. Rabe was asked by the emcee to reveal an unusual pre-game ritual by one of his teammates, and he chose to share H-back Mike Henry’s habit of dressing himself in layers (including game pants, shorts, and towel) and then reversing the process in just the right order.

It made little sense to anyone outside of the locker room (or maybe outside of Henry), but that’s the essence of a pregame ritual to begin with, right? And the story was good for a few laughs.

Next up is the ‘Sota Social this afternoon from 3-6 p.m., which takes the form of a live KFAN radio broadcast in the Hyatt atrium. I’m headed down in a few minutes to soak it all in.

Creative travel, the maroon and gold way

I’m outside of Gate H1 at the Hubert H. Humphrey Terminal, settling in for the hour-long wait for my flight to Houston for the Meineke Car Care Bowl of Texas (hereafter the MCC-BoT—no more compelling a moniker but fewer keystrokes).

This is my first-ever trip with the University of Minnesota Alumni Association and Creative Charters, the company that organizes trips to follow Gopher sports teams in various locales—near and far, mundane and exotic.

I almost signed up for the Creative Charters bus trip to Lincoln (guess that would be near and mundane) in November, but wasn’t looking forward to getting back on the bus right after the game ended for the journey home, so I stuck with my original car road trip plans.

But this trip was too good to turn down: a plane full of Gopher fans, lodging where the team is staying, and a healthy dose of activities in Houston before we get our game faces on—paint optional—for Friday evening.

I’m somewhat ashamed to admit that this is my first trip to a bowl game, and already I’m learning a few lessons. First, I should have dressed in some maroon and gold for the flight. Just about everyone here is wearing the colors, while my current clothing palette falls in the narrow range between navy blue and black.

And next time I’ll arrive at the airport with my party face on. There are plenty of us here at the gate, sitting both on the floor and in those gate chairs that tease you with their ample width, but the hydrated group is ringing the bar at Fletcher’s Wharf, knocking back golden drafts and maroon-ish drinks with celery sticks sprouting upward.

There’s University of Minnesota school spirit in the air, at the gate, and on the wharf.

And now I’m feeling that same wave of excitement I felt nearly four months ago to the day when I was readying to board my flight for the season opener in Las Vegas.

More from Houston.
_________________________________

There appears to be a slight delay in the flight, so I’m researching Texas-related sayings. Here’s a sampling:

• It’s hotter than a stolen tamale.

• It’s so foggy the birds are walking.

• It’s so dusty the rabbits are digging holes six feet in the air.

• That’s as purdee as a speckled puppy in a new red wagon at Christmas time.

• Well, feed me nails and call me Rusty.

And my favorite so far:

• The wind’s blowing like perfume through a prom.

Hungry for some Beef ‘O’ Brady’s?

Bowl season has begun, as the diehard of you college football fans already know. It actually began close to a week ago, and I believe the first games were last Saturday. That day’s match-ups included Nevada vs. Arizona (which turned into a crazy shootout won by Arizona 49-48 after a late onside kick recovery and touchdown) and Utah State vs. Toledo.

I’ll admit that I watched parts of both of them. I have both an affection and anger for Nevada—the former from watching the skills of QB Colin Kaepernick, now a 49er; the latter from watching the Wolfpack knock Boise State out of the national title hunt a few years back. And I have a soft spot for Utah State because I earned two graduate credits from that fine institution… which is another story.

A colleague here at the U recently expressed his goal of watching at least a part of all 35 bowl games this year. I can admire that, but I’m not about to emulate it. It would take a chunk of change for me to care about how Western Kentucky fares against Central Michigan in the Little Caesars Pizza Bowl, but that may have something to do with my aversion to a bowl game in Detroit. [Dramatic shudder here at the thought of that being Minnesota's bowl destination.]

And speaking of money, but without condoning gambling in any way, why in the world is Texas Tech favored by 13 points over the Gophers? I’m going to have to do some more research on this, but I already reported that the Red Raiders lost four of their last five games of the season and in the process were outscored by a combined 197-112.

Yes, they have a high-powered passing offense, but the Gophers have a pretty decent passing defense. And the Red Raiders recently lost their head coach, Tommy Tuberville.

That gets you favored by 13? C’mon.

Speaking of the Gophers and Texas Tech, the opening kickoff for the Meineke Car Care  Bowl of Texas is in exactly one week, almost to the minute. I’m actually starting to get quite excited about the game and to explore a bit of Houston, a city I’ve only bypassed on Interstate-10 about 20 years ago.

And this is somewhat pathetic, but on this fine Friday evening I’m about to tune in for a bit to the Beef ‘O’ Brady’s Bowl. It’s Ball State vs. Central Florida. On second thought, maybe I’ll go grocery shopping.